


Please Don't Go

by secretly_a_spacaecadet



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cross-Posted on Wattpad, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, How Do I Tag, Hunk & Lance (Voltron) Friendship, Hunk (Voltron) is so Pure, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Lance (Voltron) Has Anxiety, Lance (Voltron) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Lance (Voltron) Has Self-Esteem Issues, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Reunions, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-17
Updated: 2019-09-18
Packaged: 2020-10-20 18:38:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20680067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/secretly_a_spacaecadet/pseuds/secretly_a_spacaecadet
Summary: Keith almost dies. Lance looses it all





	1. Part One: They Took Him

"Keith," I cried out and clutched his chest watching his deep purple eyes flutter shut. "Keep you're eyes open. Keep your eyes on me. Please Keith, it'll be okay. You'll be just fine, we'll get you in a healing pod and you'll heal you and you'll be good as new." Shiro neared me and the mortally injured red paladin. "Keith, stay with me. Please, baby you've gotta wake up. You cant leave me, there's still so much I've got to tell you." I shook his limp body ever so slightly, careful not to injure him more. "Come on Keith... you need to open your eyes." I was sobbing even harder cradling the shorter boy deeper into my arms.

Keith was non-responsive as I held him close, as a result my heart was breaking. This war could take away anything and pretty much anyone else but it can't take away my Keith. I could handle loosing almost anyone else but my rock, my solid rock. Sure, there was the made up rivalry but that was always a way to hide behind my unwanted emotions. Keith was always rash but surprisingly he kept me sane in space... even though I was constantly worried about the boy and his well being but he was always there if I needed him and I would never admit it anytime to anyone else but I needed Keith quite often. If only I had noticed the Galra soldier sooner I could've saved him... but no I was too distracted by Hunk's slight panic and my own swarm to notice Keith get overwhelmed before it was too late, before he ended up like this in my arms. He was stabbed or something -I'm glad I didn't see it happen- and I should've prevented it, I shouldn't have let myself get distracted in the heat of a battle. I was weak and now I can't change it.. its too late to fix it and I might loose the one I love before I get to tell him that I indeed love him. I would throw away my life to save him.

Keith, was my partner in more then one way... he was my teammate and I was lucky enough to consider him my lover but the whole team didn't know about the later. Why didn't I fight harder to save him? I should've saved him not only because I'm selfish but also because he deserves to live a long life.

"Lance, we need to get him to a healing pod, you have to let him go," Shiro said gently but it was enough for me to cry out again. I can take care of my boyfriend by myself. How dare he insinuate that I can't do it myself.

"I'm scared, Shiro... I need to take care of him. I can take care of him!" I whimpered, it was taking all my energy not to completely flip out... Keith was in my arms, dying and it was all my fault. I said I'd always have his back and honestly, I meant to... I tried to but I failed. I'm not cut out for this, for war.

"We'll talk about your fears later first we have to fall back and get to the lions but most importantly get Keith to safety. Lance, take him there and go to your lion... it'll do us no good for Keith to be the last one of us standing. Don't worry, I'll cover you."

"What if it isn't enough and I loose him?" I cried out. I was scared, I'm sure Shiro was to -Keith was like his _kid brother_\- but I was in love with him and the hothead was -oddly enough- my rock... I knew I could count on him when shit hit the fan, but not for this, nothing could've prepared me for this.

I was more then scared, I don't think I could live through the rest of this war without him, let alone the rest of my life. Before him my life was so bland, desolate, and lonely even at the start of this war and I don't want my life to go back to that. I was desperately in love with Keith Kogane and I couldn't bare too loose him mostly because I couldn't go back to the way things were before.

I had to get him to the castle so I could get him into a healing pod. With every passing moment the actuality of loosing him became increasingly more likely. I had to get him to the pod and fast so I laid him down so I could stand up and then I had to scoop him back up into my arms. I had to hurry but I needed a few words with Shiro, no matter what happened to me Keith must live because I would be completely useless without him. Everyone on the team has there place but me, I just kinda existed so without Keith giving me purpose I would loose it.

As I ran past Shiro I stopped in front of him to speak. "If I fail make sure he gets there, even if it means loosing me."

Shiro's usually calm and emotionless demeanor twists into something else as sadness and shock plays on his face as he speaks, "Lance..."

"Promise me! Keith needs to make it out of this fine. I don't want to even try to live without him because deep inside I know can't live without him. So, Shiro just promise me if it ever gets to the point where it's me or him, save him first and if there's a chance save me. He needs to be the first priority none of that he wouldn't make it bullshit. I just need to know he is well taken care of and there's no one -other then myself, of course- I trust more with this."

"I promise Lance, but no matter what happens you're both getting off this planet alive. We won't loose either of you today." I got one last look of Shiro's saddened face before I ran off towards the Castle. Honestly I took off as soon as he promised me, the rest turning into a shout as it followed me to the castle.

I knew it was almost too late, I needed to get him to the castle before he bleed out. Shiro must've missed someone or something else because there was a sharp pain in my shoulder but I kept going. I neared the castle before I collapse from the pain but I immediately get up again propelling myself into the castle and too the healing pods... I would not fail Keith, I couldn't do it. I had Keith's life in my hands and that scared me greatly. What if I lost him today? I would not let him be another casualty in the war with no one but six of us to remember the real him.

I collapse after getting to the healing pods causing Coran to come in running into the room with Princess Allura hot on his trail. They didn't understand why I was so hell-bent on saving the man I had proclaimed to hate towards the beginning of my adventure in space. Honestly looking back now it was never hate because I could never hate him -or anyone else for that maters- it was jealousy... and looking back now something else that my dumb self was too insecure about because I was a dumb kid with no experience in matters of the real world so I lashed out the only way I knew how.

"Keith, get Keith into the pod... I need to go help the others, they need me," I say softly as Coran picks up Keith and gets him into a healing pod. I try to stand only to collapse again blood loss was getting to me.

"Lance, you need to get into a healing pod and fast," Allura was gentle as she spoke.

"No, I need to get out there and fight with my family for the man I love. I have to keep fighting for the man I love. I need to keep fighting for Keith because he can't fight for himself. Just stop the bleeding so I can get to blue, I need to keep mine and Keith's family safe." I begin to cry. "I can't -and I wont'- loose anyone on this team because you guys are now my family. I have to get to Blue and fast."

I struggle to sit up, willing my body to stay still as Coran tends to my wounds, despite him not agreeing with my actions. No matter what, Keith's life and the rest of the team comes before me. No matter what happens to me, I know they can make it without me, they can continue and they _can_ win this war without me. I know it'll be hard at first but they'll make it through to the end just fine. I don't want to be another casualty of war but to save them I will do anything. I'll put my life on the line to keep them safe and alive, if I loose my life so be it. I winced ever so slightly as I stood up, after leaning on the pod for a few moments to regain my balance. Soon enough adrenaline was enough to cause my body to sway to an unknown rhythm, but that didn't matter because I wouldn't exactly be on the battlefield, I would be behind the controls of Blue, and I know she will protect me no matter what... to say the least I was in good hands, well good paws.

"Keith, I don't know if you can hear me but if I don't make it out of here alive, I love you Keith Kogane... I love you more then anything in the whole entire world. I'm not doing this out of selfishness, I'm doing this to make sure you and our friends have a future. If I don't make it, win this war for me, and everyday live for me. Go home, meet my family tell them about all the brave shit I did. Quiznack, I'm crying. Allura, make sure he knows this... I don't think he can hear me but it made me feel better. I have a battle to fight." I started to walk towards my lion. I mumbled to myself, "One more battle towards victory, we will win, even if it's without me. Voltron must be victorious."

"I will... but Lance, we're not loosing you anytime soon, you're a strong talented fighter. You're a good Paladin even if you don't see it in yourself."

"Thank you." I looked over my shoulder, "Always good to have a back up plan. Besides this has to be the dumbest thing I've ever done. Well, not quite the dumbest but it _has_ to be up there." I've done a lot of dumb shit, but I will never regret a moment of my life because it brought me here... to this moment, sure I could die and so could Keith but for the last -what was it?- six months it's been complete bliss all because I have Keith Kogane.

"That may be true but you aren't dying tonight." Everyone had been saying that with certainty and had I not been me I would've believed them. Look where blind faith that everything would get me, Keith was dying and I couldn't do anything about it.

I got to my lion against my friends will, I needed to fight for them, for the future, and most importantly for Keith because he can't fight for himself. I have to be strong and put my life on the line and fight... I am stronger then I look and seem, I have to be. I have to push myself because I need my death to mean something, and if I die and Keith lives then I all that I remembered for won't be all bad, sure the rest of the team will remember me but Keith will remember all of me not just the facade I put up to keep myself safe. All I want is for Keith to make it and carry on living for me if I don't. I love Keith so very much and all I do is for him, now two -actually, I think it's three- of my friends know of my newfound motivation but I couldn't care less, I know we said we'd keep it a secret for now because a war is no place for love but I didn't want him to think that I didn't completely love him, even after my death. 

"Shiro, no matter what happens to me today..." I choke up, "No matter what happens today make sure Keith knows I love him and that I want him to meet my family. They'd love to meet him, they'd accept him as family because I love him." I knew Keith didn't really have any family -aside from Shiro and the rest of us- and I talked about taking him home to Mama and my siblings so he could have a real family... even if I died I still wanted him to have everything I had promised him.

"Lance, you are not dying today. I'm not letting you die," Shiro said gently.

"I don't know how long this packing will keep me from bleeding out. I got hit in a bad spot, if I die make sure he knows. Just fucking promise me!"

"Lance, calm down. If I need to tell him I will, but you will live to tell Keith this yourself. No one is dying today, everyone will be alright." God, I sure hope he's right, but I know the likelihood of my death is high, as hard as I tried not to think about it my mind still wandered.

"I just need to make sure he is well taken care of if I'm gone. After this is all over I'm going to bring Keith home with me... I don't care what I loose -as long as I don't loose Keith-. I know we will keep fighting until we win, I just want a life and a family with Keith but I'm afraid we will never get that." Oh no, I said more then I meant to. I know what this war could cost me but I'm willing to sacrifice everything so long as Keith lives in the end.

The battle was quickly fought and won by us but it felt less then fulfilling without Keith by my side. I just wanted to heal like a normal human would, I wanted to feel the pain that having the wound heal naturally would bring me. I needed to talk about what was going on inside my head, all the voices were loud right now. I know I was weak and I know that I am completely broken without the Paladin of the Red Lion. I never knew until now how much Keith completed me. Even when I had concocted this silly little rivalry to feel close to him in any possible to cover the stupid crush I had on this boy who would never notice me -let alone love me- and man was I wrong he did end up noticing me -and caring deeply for me-. In the short time Keith and I had been together he had made me so happy, I felt so lucky to have him but if I lost him now my heart would be torn in two... so I couldn't loose the boy I am in love with, the one I had been in love with for far too long, I would be devastated. I would die before I live a day without him. Keith is the only one I've ever really had eyes for, sure I flirted with people -mostly girls- but that was simply to hide how empty I truly felt. I wanted to feel whole, lovable, and generally something towards someone who wasn't the same gender as me -someone who was forbidden- but I couldn't change who I was -I'm glad I didn't now- but that never worked, I couldn't keep the facade up for long but I had to be this womanizer so people would love me unlike I did myself. 

"Lance, are you okay? Why don't you go into a healing pod to get that shoulder and neck taken care of?" Shiro said patting me on my uninjured shoulder.

"No! I am not fucking okay, Shiro. What makes you think I would be?" I yelled defensively not even giving him enough time to answer before continuing, "You don't seem to understand the only person I've ever had real feelings for could die before I get the chance to tell him I love him, that I'm in love with him. There's so many things I wish I would've told him if I knew I wouldn't have the luxury of time. Don't get me started on this damn war... I'm just a kid fighting a war I shouldn't have to. I almost died and I can't help but blame myself for not saving Keith so no I won't go into a healing pod I deserve this for being weak. I can't live the way I did before Keith again because I was so empty and lonely. I've only ever loved Keith. I don't care if he didn't want the whole team to know because if that fucking idiot dies, I'll be all alone again and I don't want to be alone ever again, I can't be alone because I know I'll loose my shit. Keith, is the reason I'm still here and alive if it wasn't for him I would've left or killed myself. I don't want to fight this war if it means loosing him. Shiro, I truly can't live without him because I have no idea how I made it this far. I have loved that boy since the moment I saw him at the Garrison -although, at the time I thought it would fade with time- and I can't deny it anymore and honestly I don't want to deny it anymore. I honestly have so much going through my damn head that its difficult to put all of it into words and its hard for me to speak those words when I figure it out how to. I just know I don't want to live without him because I don't think I can mentally can handle it. I just know that we will win this war with or without Keith and I because we can't fail. I will fight to my death if it means seeing Keith again so we can't loose him, Shiro. I'm so fucking scared it ain't funny anymore. Quiznack, I can't do this. I can't handle the thought of loosing my Keith without tears welling in my damn eyes." I wiped tears away and threw myself at Shiro because I needed to feel something more then this, I needed to feel another human being so I could know this was real and unfortunately for me it was completely and utterly real -I completely hated that this was actually real-. I needed someone to help me get through this and if anyone can help it's Shiro. His arms wrapped around me, it helped me but it wasn't enough.

"Lance, that's a lot to take in? Why do you blame yourself?"

"Because I got distracted also I fucking promised that I'd never let him fall, that I'd always have his back. I promised myself if there was anyway to keep Keith safe I would do it, even if I had to die. Keith always comes first in my mind and he pretty much always did. It's always been me putting Keith ahead of myself, and since its become increasingly obvious, it feels completely natural to me. I want to hate it but I can't, I stuck around because of him. I remember it being this hopeless crush on this boy who would never love me back let alone notice my existence... now look at me now making it known, that I'm hopeless for this damn boy. I want to hate it, I want to hate myself for this but I can't because of Keith." God, I sounded dumb but I didn't care anymore I needed to get all of this in the open not telling them was starting to make my heart hurt.

"What exactly do you want to hate yourself for?" Shiro made a face that was a mix of confusion and concern.

"It doesn't matter, I said far too much."

"Yes it does, Lance anything you say matters... especially right now. You're going through a rough patch right now but we'll get through this together."

"It really isn't important. I'm the oldest so I'm used to being partially neglected. It's all good." I scowled at Shiro. "Besides I need to be to Keith right now that way he knows he's not alone... that I haven't abandoned him just because he's hurt badly." I refused to voice the gravity of the situation, to save my heart from the premature heartbreak of loosing him. "So, I really should be leaving to see him."

"Lance McClain, if you leave in the middle of this I swear to _god_."

"Swearing is bad, Shiro... so is gambling and that's what I feel like this damn war is."

"Lance, we're your friends and we want to know what's going on. Don't internalize this and then blame us for not being there... I know any of us will be willing to talk, drag me out of bed in the middle of night if you need to talk. I don't care if you just need a shoulder to cry on I will be there because you are my friend and you mean a lot to me."

I mumble under my breath, "You must of been having an extremely hard time showing that side of you. To me at least" I look down as I speak up, "Thanks that means more to me then you think. I know I'm tough to be around and deal with, that I jump from one extreme to another but hearing those words from you almost made this shitty day decent. Thank you for caring when I'm at my obvious lowest. Thank you for being there when I have no one else. I know you're fucking trying but when were you when I needed you at the beginning of this damn war... you know what don't fucking answer it because it doesn't matter, **_YOU_** weren't there for me... it was Keith so don't think that this makes up for anything. **_YOU_** say you're my friend but you're never there when I need you now so why should you be there for me when the only person who noticed I wasn't as okay as I claimed to be isn't. It isn't fair, it should be Keith comforting me... not you because you don't actually care and if you do it's not that much. Goddammit. **_YOU_** claim to care when it seems like I'm going to go off the deep end... but the moment Keith is back you're going to fucking drop me and it's going to go back to it being only Keith nursing my wounds and keeping me alive. Like I said Keith is the only one on this team to actually give a damn about me the entire time we've been in space so don't give me this _we care_ bullshit because once this tragedy is done it'll go back to normal, back to you guys practically neglecting me and me having to put on a damn front in front of you. **_YOU _**saw me at my worst and yet you decided to do nothing about it... maybe ignore the problem and it'll go away or better yet '_Lance, well he will be just fine he's just being a dramatic little shit'_. Well fuck **_YOU_** for thinking you can just show me that you care when you want to. Where the fuck were **_YOU_** when I tried to fucking kill myself? Where were **_YOU_** when I believed we wouldn't win this war so I tried to kill myself so that I wouldn't die at the hands of the Galra when we lost? Where were **_YOU_** when I cried myself to sleep because that was the only way I would be getting any rest that night? Where the fuck were **_YOU_** when I fucking needed you Shiro? I've needed you more times then just now and you completely shut me down. I know **_YOU_** only fucking care because it's Keith. Would **_YOU_** react the same if it was me? I'm the worst Paladin and I know it... its because I react solely on my emotions and half the time I try to shut myself down from actually reacting. You're just scared that without Keith I might have the guts to actually go through with it this time. **_YOU_** haven't cared enough to help me this far so what makes **_YOU_** think that I believe you? I know people lie but I never thought **_YOU_** of all people would have the audacity to lie to my fucking face, especially about this. Keith was the first person to care enough to hold me until I fell asleep, listen to me when I needed it, and be there when I needed _him_. I knew I could rely on him because he never filled me up with empty promises and he didn't leave me afterwards. That's why I can't loose him... it can never go back to the way things were before him because things were never good before... things were so damn good with him. He is the best thing to ever happen to me. Family life was mediocre, I was always taking care of three younger siblings and then came the Garrison, the chance to make my parents proud but that never made them proud... then this war -a stupid war that I shouldn't have to fight because it's not _my _fucking war- another way to make my parents proud but winning won't make them proud, they'll solely scold me for making them worry about me. No matter what I do I will never amount to much and no one gives a damn that I try they all fucking say I'm over dramatic." I'm screaming at Shiro telling him the truth about how I feel, how I truly feel I won't sugar coat it this time, because everything hurts right now. If there wasn't a chance Keith will make it I'd kill myself tonight because I'm done with all the lies. "I keep looking for a girl... maybe getting a wife will make my parents proud of me... but in the back of my head there was always this crush, a crush that has always made me feel filthy and nasty that I had, on this guy. The likelihood of this guy caring for me in any capacity is slim to none and then this war connects us but there's a problem, I want to fucking hate his guts because I'm so repulsed by the fact I even like guys let alone him. Then one night he finds me and I'm in this really bad place and he listens to every word I say... and I begin to think that maybe, just maybe letting myself fall for him isn't so bad but there's this fucking nagging in the back of my head telling my parents won't approve they'll be disappointed in me because I love him. Then I tell him that I love him and in the same night I confess my fears that I'll be a disappointment and dear god does he do a good job at laying them to rest. Shiro, he's the first one to tell me that my parents probably had a hard time showing me that they were proud of me. Growing up I was always odd and different... they probably never had the same bonding with me as the did with Marco, Louis, and Veronica then there was my twin Rachael the _golden _child. I mean I helped raise those three -sometimes Rachael helped but was more just me- so maybe they saw me on a different level then they did my siblings. With him was the first time I didn't feel so _alone_... he made me feel like I was actually _important _and not just to my family but to the team as well. With Keith by my side I felt unstoppable. I might consider all of you guys my family but we're just as dysfunctional as my real family. I would throw away my well being to keep you guys safe as I would my real family. Family would lie down there lives for one another and I don't know if you guys would do the same for me but I sure know for the fact the man I love is dying because he would. I felt him hit my back that's how I found him so fast." I was crying real loud and what not right now and I hadn't realized the whole castle had swarmed around me and Shiro -concerned or just wanting to watch the spectacle of me completely loosing my shit at my _childhood _hero, I would never know- but that didn't stop me, "So yeah I want to hate a part of me but I can't because of Keith. He doesn't see me the same as I feel everyone else does but that doesn't matter if I loose him. He makes me feel almost normal and that's all I've ever wanted to feel... I've felt like an outcast my entire life."

"Lance, how long have you been holding all that in?" Hunk broke me off in the middle of a pause while I was taking a breather due to the fact that I didn't care if I screamed myself horse. I was completely unfazed by the slight pain in my throat do to all the screaming I was doing.

"Too long, far too long." I look up seemingly unfazed by the fact that I just had the break down of the century in front of the people I cared about and half the shit I said I didn't quite mean in the way it came out. I look back down, a look of disappointment on my face. God, I wish I didn't scream all of that but I really did loose it because Keith wasn't there to keep me calm, I swear if he was right here I would've had a more civilized conversation... but he wasn't and that's why we were having this conversation at all.

"How many times?" Pidge asked as she fixed her glasses on her face.

"Hmmm?" I mumbled in response not completely sure what she meant but knew I most likely didn't want to answer her question because I knew it might make me feel even more guilty.

"How many fucking times, Lance? While we were too _blind _to notice that you were hurting did you try? Did you hurt yourself as well?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yeah, I want to know how I didn't notice before this huge blow up, this was truly inevitable you were a ticking time bomb from the start and I should've noticed but you just seemed so good. I usually notice stuff like this but with you I truly believed you were happy. Lance, you were always the epitome of happiness and it made me jealous and now that I know it was all just a front I want to know how I hadn't realized sooner. If I would've known, I would've done something but you always seemed so happy... it looked so real." Pidge adjusted the glasses that they didn't need so that they were up farther as they had been slipping down whilst she studied my face with a concerned look.

"I don't know how many times, but too many times before Keith intervened and yes I did. I really don't want to fall back into old habits."

"I was always right there if you ever needed me, Lance but you never tried because you didn't want help. I don't know why I didn't see the signs but thinking back now there were a few red flags that I didn't think anything about because like Pidge said you seemed like the epitome of happiness. I'm sorry that we made you feel that way, I really should've helped more but I didn't think you needed it," whispered a shocked Shiro. 

"I'm sorry... I took it too far. I didn't want you guys to know or worry but I guess deep down inside I always held onto the hope that you would notice and this was the biggest break down that's ever happened to me. I think I should go lie with Keith, I don't want him to get lonely." I yawned as I went to get my pillows and blankets, "Come get me if you need me." I wasn't going to change I was just going to lay in my gear with my stuffed Shark that Keith got me. "I really am sorry for my meltdown."

"Like I said it was coming sooner or later... god only knows it how much worse it would've been if it had came any later." Pidge smiled at me. "We really do care about you Lance, you're our friend first and our teammate second, we really wouldn't be bothered if you asked us for help, I personally am sorry for being such a shit friend."

They saw me at my worst and didn't push me away... I guess Keith was right. I scoffed out loud as I was nearly to my room. "Point one for Keithy," I mumbled to myself smiling slightly at the ridiculous thought.


	2. Part Two: Waking Up

**~ A MONTH LATER~**

I've been refusing to eat. Why isn't he better? What's taking the healing so long? Is he going to die? I hope he's not. I don't want to eat another bite of food without him. I just want him back. Something is telling me I should eat but I can't bring me to eat a single bite. The thought of him not waking up lingers in my head. He needs to come back.

I keep expecting Coran to break through with the news that he's gone, that I lost him... but he hasn't. But, Keith is so strong, I know he can make it... he needs to make it! I love him, he's my world, fuck that sentiment he's my universe. I wouldn't be alive now if it wasn't for him.

"Keith, if you can hear me please you've gotta pull through for me. I can't make it without you. I know you'd be mad if you see what I've been doing to myself but I can't function without you because my will to live is gone without you by my side. When you get out of this I promise that I'm gonna— shit, someone's coming. I love you Keith." It's about the time when Shiro begs me to eat and tries to guilt trip me.

"Well Shiro, did Hunk cook again? Or is it something serious for once?" I sneer. I didn't mean to be so rude to my friends but I hated myself for not saving him... I guess I was deflecting.

"What were you going to say?" Shiro asked as Hunk followed closely behind. Hunk had a plate of food that was clearly meant for me.

"That I was going to be a better man and keep him safe next time."

"Are you going to eat today, buddy?" Hunk asked softly. "Keith would want you to be healthy. If you don't eat your just going to waste away. Coran says that his vitals are improving. We're hoping he'll be out of the pods within the next few days, next week at the latest. You'll need your strength. So please eat, Lance." Hunk's voice trembled ever so slightly but it was enough to be noticeable.

"No, not without him." I didn't have the strength to do much of anything so I pretty much stayed put. Seeing my friends hurt, so did not seeing them... I guess you could say everything hurt.

"Do you want to end up in a pod yourself? Eat for Keith, not for us. He wouldn't want to see you in a pod after all that time he spent in one himself. Lance, he's getting better so stop torturing yourself about not being able to save him. Do you think Keith would've wanted this to happen? Especially if he really was gone," Shiro's voice was steady although there was some pain in it.

"No," I mumbled, "he wouldn't have wanted any of this." I looked at the floor.

"Is your end game to be with him?" Shiro knew full well what I wanted. Why had he even bothered to ask? My intentions have been clear from the start, maybe he wanted some confirmation of what was happening instead of reacting to the situation I had placed us in blind.

"Yes," my voice had no inflection and definitely no emotion behind it. "I can't live without him and I don't want to try. Okay?" I yelled at Shiro, I know he had meant no harm behind his words but I was breaking down. God, I was so weak.

"Keith wouldn't want you to join him before your time. He would want you to make his death mean something. Finish the war he started fighting."

"What if I can't?"

"You can. We're not loosing you or Keith any time soon so there's no need for any of this. Please eat, if not for me but for Keith."

I grabbed a fork and picked at the food in front of me. Hunk did his best with what little ingredients he had, and this wasn't the worst food he had made but it sure as hell wasn't the best.

"It's just so hard." I looked away from the two of them. "I don't know how to react to anything. I feel so weak."

"Lance, everyone's been taking this hard. We've been taking care of you since Keith went into the pod because you won't do it yourself. You're obsessed with being here when the pod opens. It's so bad you're psyching yourself out about the little things. Coran says he's been in there about the average amount of time for someone with the amount of trauma his body went though. He's healing, Lance. He will get through this," Shiro's voice was soft and comforting.

"I can't leave his side, I don't think I would be able to even if we were on earth. I love him so much that I feel like part of me is missing."

"That's natural but you have to take care of yourself. Do you want him to look at you and immediately be concerned about your well-being?"

"Not really. I just want him to be okay." To be honest I hadn't thought much about of anything other then the lack of Keith. I was so focused on the pain that I hadn't thought about how my love would feel. I do tend to have a one-track mind and no one could fault me for that... it's the way I was raised.

"Then sleep more and eat when we bring you food. Maybe take a shower and change your clothes."

"I don't know about the shower but I'll eat every time you bring me food."

"That's a step in the right direction. Are you done eating?"

"Yeah, can't eat much without feeling sick. See you in four hours. I think I'm gonna take a nap."

Pidge has confiscated my bayard, my weapons, and anything I could use to hurt myself but I still had my nails. Keith would be so disappointed if he could see me now. I scratched my arm raw again and covered it back up curling into a ball and crying into the pillow. I snuggled into the shark stuffed animal, Keith got it at the space mall without telling me... it still smelled of Keith -although the scent was wearing off- even after a month.

I don't know how long I was asleep, it could've been days -I hadn't been sleeping well so I guess, anything was possible- but my groggy, hazy eyes looked around to see all of my friends standing around me. Usually it was just Shiro and whoever tagged along but it was all of them.

"We were just about to wake you. Keith should be waking up here soon?" Coran was smiling.

"Sh-Shiro, how long have I been asleep?" Sleep still in my eyes.

"A day, maybe two. You wouldn't stir for food so we assumed you needed sleep to get your body on the right track." Shiro shrugged a little. "Hunk said you did this when things were bad at the Garrison."

"Please don't let on that you know... he wanted to wait to tell you."

"He's going to know we know when you run to him without a thought. He's going to take one look at you and know just how broken you were, so he's going to wager a bet that we know about your relationship. But we won't say a word Lance, so you feel better about saying something about it," Shiro's voice was gentle as he rested a hand on my shoulder in an attempt to keep me calm. I shrugged his hand up and tried to tame my hair.

The pod opened and he took a step... that was all I needed I ran to him. I needed to hold him, I needed him in my arms. I needed confirmation that this was real, not a sick dream.


	3. Part Three: I Love You

"Jesus Christ! Lance you smell." Keith laughed slightly. "They're looking at us," Keith whispered, "it's okay. I know you told them."

"I did not!" I puffed my chest a little bit.

"Shut up and kiss me, Lance!" Keith growled at me.

I pulled him close and kissed him gently. "I missed you so much."

"I can tell, you need a good meal and a long shower." Keith sighed slightly. "I almost die and you completely loose your shit."

"I went off on Shiro."

"Lance, are you okay?"

"No, I was so scared. I thought for sure I was going to lose you and that I would be all alone again just like that. I was terrified that you would be gone in a blink of an eye all because I was too weak to save you. I love you so, so, so very much."

"I'm not going to ever leave you. I love you, Lance. I know I don't say it all that much -now that I think of it I don't think I've ever voiced my emotions out loud- but I really do love you."

"I love you. K-Keith, can you stay by my side for a while?" I felt guilty about asking that because it was selfish... I'm sure he wants to catch up with the others.

"Lance, I actually don't want to leave your side for a few days. Let's go get you into the shower."

"Will you–"

Keith interrupted me with a kiss it was rougher then the kiss I gave him. "I wouldn't miss it for the world."

"Well, guys I guess we're going," I smiled for the first time in a month.

"Use protection!" Pidge shouted as she fixed her glasses. I paused for a moment, flipped her off and continued on my way.

"Keith, I've been thinking."

"That never bodes well."

"Fine! I won't tell you."

"Lance, I'm teasing you. Ya'know I love you."

"I wanna marry you, Keith."

"Oh my god, that's what you've been thinking about your such a dork." Keith chuckled softly and kissed me. "Wait, wait a minute did you just propose?"

"What? No, just testing the waters out. That wasn't a '_No, Lance were too young_' or even '_Not during this war'_ or '_Lance we haven't been dating that long_' so that's a plus. You're response was better then I was prepared to receive."

"You thought I'd tell you no?" I nodded. "How long have you been thinking about this?"

"A couple months. How do you feel about Onyx, Tanzanite, and Ruby?"

"Those are pretty stones but would they be together?" Keith's eyes widened, he had probably never expected someone to be this in far love with him to go through such a trouble.

"Yeah... why?"

"I'm just imagining them together. That would be pretty but why?"

"Black to draw them together but the red and blue stones because being Paladins of the Red and Blue lion brought us together."

"Your such a sap... god I love you." He kisses my cheek as we headed to the bathroom to shower.

I went to take off my shirt. "Tsk tsk let me Lance. After all we are going to get married." Keith smirked.

"I haven't even proposed yet Keith!"

"But you will be and that's all that matters. What you don't like me calling myself your fiancé? You really should've thought about that before the conversation in the hallway."

"I'm not sure if your making fun of me or not."

"I'm playfully teasing you yet, at the same time I'm deadly serious. I love you Lance and seeing how broken up you were about me almost dying shows that you're not the same superficial asshole I once thought you were... you really love me and that means so much to me." I smiled slightly and opened my mouth to talk before immediately being cut off. "Shhh Lance, baby I know how insecure you tend to be but I can be just as insecure and sometimes even more so." Keith smiled and kissed my cheek softly. "I love you."

"You can undress me later. Okay?" We got undressed and got into the shower.

Keith liked hot showers but I tended to like colder ones so we met in the middle, very warm showers that I had grown accustomed to.

I kissed Keith's neck. "Hey, can I give you a hickey?"

"I've literally never stopped you and I never will," Keith was clearly confused, his jaw was slacked ever so slightly.

"There's always been this unspoken rule not to give you one on the neck because what will the team think."

"Lance, I wouldn't have minded if you did before." Keith paused before whispering, "My necks really sensitive, though."

I sucked on his neck and Keith let out the most gorgeous sound he has ever made, I quickly got addicted to the sound and left a trail all over his neck. Keith tended to be quiet when we were intimate, maybe he was louder because his neck was sensitive or because the team knew we were together but either way I was loving this.

"Come one Lance let's finish our shower," Keith sounded needy.

"What did I cause my -not official- fiancé to become horny?" Lance teased.

"Yes, either you hurry up in this shower or I'm not letting you touch me."

"You wouldn't!" I gasped.

"I would. Now hurry up."

"You know I like to take my time in the shower!"

"Well you're not going to this time! You missed me, I missed you and because of your little game I want you, actually I need you."

"Alright, alright I'll hurry up. I think Pidge expected us to act like this."

"Or maybe she was teasing. Stop over thinking and shower."

"Okay sorry." I peppered a kiss on his cheek as I lathered soap all over our bodies, I had already washed my hair.

Soon our shower was finished and I just wanted to cuddle and be with my man.

"I love you Keith, forever," I whispered dragging him into my room on the castle.

"I love you too Lance."

**Author's Note:**

> Poor Shiro


End file.
